Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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