you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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