Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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