I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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