In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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