I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
