did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
