So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
