you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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