He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
