I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish you could order shots online.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
