Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
