If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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