Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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