my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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