Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
