I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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