Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The ass gains better be worth it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
