Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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