Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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