Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
