I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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