I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize