Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
