It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
