Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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