I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
