You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
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He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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