As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
