if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
