Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
