Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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