Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
