I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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