Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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