Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
