Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
