You really coming over, don't trick.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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