Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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