just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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