i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
