i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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