kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
