just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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