well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
