I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
