I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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