the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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