I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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