If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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