Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
