I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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