Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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