i barfeds in our rink
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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