Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It was confusing and full of hummus
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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