My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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