Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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