It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
