I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
