why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
