the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i out mim tonsoeep
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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