it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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