I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize