if we break up, who will get the dealer?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
