So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
