awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
