i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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