pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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