im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
