Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
