I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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