wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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