she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
