Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize