why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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