we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
MIDGETS
????
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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