Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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