what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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