Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
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Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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