At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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