No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
